Why we are not buying gifts for our kids

The Holidays are just around the corner

For some reason, people can be very intentional with their money and then suddenly throw off the window all of their resolve when their children come into the mix. I admit I have been guilty of this. Especially when we had our firstborn, I didn’t even blink and got him a $600 organic coconut fibre crib mattress. Even now, I don’t think I am entirely regretting this purchase but I am sure I could have settled for a great cheaper option and easily set aside $300 for his RESP. All that to say we are not buying gifts this year.

So what do you do when it is time for Christmas or birthdays, do you ask? We are in a privileged position where we could purchase toys for our young kids, but well, let’s be honest here: they are at this golden age where an empty diaper box is the most amazing toy. Let’s take full advantage of it!

The guilt

We live in a society where not consuming, especially during the Holidays season is viewed as inappropriate. If you can afford it, you consume. If you can’t afford it, you still consume. During the Holiday season? You double consume. You didn’t need it? Well now you have it. People are literally getting themselves into debts because they feel like they have to make everyone happy, from their own kids (and I get this one is extremely hard) to the coworker they don’t even like. Consuming is just not always the answer though. Sometimes it makes zero sense.

My children are lucky enough they are constantly being spoiled by our family and friends. They certainly do not lack of anything and I personally don’t need to step on yet another toy abandoned in the middle of my living room. While I am aware of this, I still can’t help but feel extremely guilty thinking there won’t be anything that I specially handpicked for them under the tree this Christmas. That’s when being so slow in preparing my Christmas gifts comes in handy: there is no way I’ll have the time to get them something now (procrastinating can be great, I knew it) so no amount of guilt is going to change that situation.

How many toys is enough toys?

You may be wondering how many toys is enough toys. When is it reasonable to action the “not buying gifts” mode? It seems that really, fewer toys is just better. This study published in 2018 demonstrated how young children can play longer and with more creativity when they have less toys to their disposal. So, really, no need to spend money there.

For context, I am writing this from my couch which is a prime location to see all of the toys that are everywhere (EVERYWHERE) around me and yes, I do feel a little bit ashamed. Is there a stronger word than spoiled? I didn’t need that study to know they had enough toys. However, I could have benefitted from reading it sooner, so consider this my “gift” to you (feeling extra funny today, yes.)

Alternatives: a better use of your money

So what if you do have some money you would like to put to good use ? See some options below, outside of charity donations which are always a great way to give back.

The “useful gifts”

If you have young kids, then I would recommend strongly limiting toys as a gift: your kids will probably be fine. And if you were looking to spoil children of your entourage, maybe ask their parents if they have more pressing needs. Clothes? baby gear? baby sitting time? If they don’t need anything, it is fine. They are going to need things, only later. Probably a lot of things, so keep your money for now.

You can always try to engage a conversation and see how do the parents feel about this forced “exchange of money”. Because that is really what it is: we just buy from each other lists because that is what we are expected to do. I did try to explain that to my kids’s grand parents in a vain attempt to stop this permanent cluttering they are trying to force on my home but that didn’t go too well. “The kids need something to open! Gift paper to tear all over! Where is the “magie de Noël” without it ?!” Whatever.

RESP: Registered Education Savings Plans

Once I finally realized that I should not be buying gifts for my kids, I looked for another way to ease the guilt. And it was fairly easy to figure one out: my kids will be much more appreciative one day of having some money into their RESP account that is going to compound now and for the next 18 years versus having a new fancy toy they likely will forget all about next month. (Looking to get some more information on RESP? Start with the RESP official page).

Your child first home downpayment

First home downpayment? This one could go a long way too! I don’t see this housing market getting significantly down any time soon. A few years ago, we went through the process of buying our first home and in Canada, parents helping their children with their purchase is unfortunately a necessary norm. In Ontario, the market is particularly brutal and a poll done by the Ontario Real Estate Association showed than 4 in 10 parents helped out their children with an average downpayment gift of over $70,000. 

One of the main reason we are trying to build wealth now is also so we can support our children later: generational wealth. I feel pretty confident that if you are reading this blog, it is probably one of your goal too.

And maybe you don’t even put this money on your kids’ bank account, you just keep it in your own investment accounts so you have it when they need it in a couple of decades.

What about Christmas next year?

This diaper-box-toy situation is not going to last and I’m sure we all will have plenty of opportunities to spoil our children with wonderful gifts soon enough. Maybe not next year, but that will come. Some of the principles our family has around this are:

• Let’s keep a holiday budget and stick to it
• Stay intentional about what we offer
• Always picking an experience before a material object 

Next year may look different and we’ll adjust as we go, in the meantime, we have given ourselves permissions to do better with that Holiday money.